Darling, please dont say anymore..

Song....

Always at the last moment, then you would know what the answer is. The play is not over yet, but the result already showing.

Always after you have love, then you would know how much you have sacrificed. Love is a no turning back, can’t we just let it go, just give it a miss.

Darling, please stop, I’ve changed so much.

Darling, please stop, I’m turning my heart cold.

I do not wish to love blindly and repeat the same mistake.

So, in your heart, I’m no longer the one you have once loved.

If we can start all over again, I really do not have the courage

The Familiar comforting the feeling you once gave, I no longer believe I will have that again, I don’t know if I ever will have that again.

Darling, please don’t use your tearful eyes to look at me. Darling, please don’t blame my silence.

Oh Darling, we have already missed too much.

//Love can never be rewind, even when we are back together there will definitely be some changes and differences from what we once used to. Either better or worst. So it really depends if you want to take the chances. 

To build the trust and love again is not easy and you may end up hurting even deeper than you already are. Treasure your moments, as once it slips there's no turning back.

Take care, my beloved friends.
Amanda

When it is harder than you have expected...

Falling in love comes without a signal, one would fall in love some times at one's most unexpected. Knowing someone from a total stranger to someone you have affection for can take just moments or years of friendship. What is yours?

No matter who you are, never say that you will never fall in love again, as you would never know. I've once given up on relationship as I never seem to meet someone that love me enough. I guess I was not a great lover but better as a friend. That's why I have a better chance of getting good friends than lovers. Maybe it was never meant to be. Everywhere I go, people that I met that have interest in me, seems to have a different agenda in their mind. I met more that prefer my looks and body than who i am. They dont know me well enough and I was not as open-minded as i should have.

After all, lovers tend to get intimate after a period. I was more of a conservative nature and mainly thanks to my brought up. I treat intimacy seriously. So at some points, I am sensitive and got angry easily when my lover advances their approach in a relationship. I would back away and in any case, I show anger towards them, and subsequently, I have gone missing and leave the relationship. 

After these many years, I am still a better friend than a lover. When any feelings get involved, it gets complicated. I have gone in too quickly and I hurt my lover badly. I blame myself for all my past relationships. It was never their fault, it has always been me. I am not able to make sure what i want and demand too much attention than i needed and I scare them away with my no reason sudden anger towards their words and touch. which no relationship would be successful since one party cannot really be open towards one other how and why they feel this way.

I know now and it would be hard for me to change. I regret every one of my relationships, since the end of the day I, myself believe, I was the cause of the failed relationship. And i always use my anger to fend myself and get myself out of a relationship only to regret it when i cooled myself. While my lovers were too lost to know what they have done and most were not mature enough to know me well and make me understand.

Until today, I try to be open-minded as much as i can, thinking that age and experience would have help. But then, i was disappointed that I have done it yet again, got myself angry over little things. No one would be expected that a little teasing would trigger anger in me. Today, I kept thinking over and over again, why I have done what i did. Am I not ready to accept this relationship or am I afraid of something? I know I felt really bad, regretful, and even frustrated with myself after that. I don't even understand myself so how can I forgive myself for what I have done. My lover have no reason to be treated the way I did. My lover has every reason to be disappointed with me, even if he have said goodbye, I have no rights to ask him to stay since I was the one who asked him to leave me alone in the first place. Maybe I will be alone from now on, until maybe I find someone that really know me enough to be there and support me on this flaw of mine.
I am still waiting for someone who would accept who I am and be there even when I did wrong. Be there by my side even when i got angry, because end of the day, I am angrier with myself than at them.

 I was selfish, ignorant, and always so angry. I hurt my lover and I kill the relationship. I blame myself. 

I never really settle down my mind to be with him, I created a situation that made me frustrated and pushes the blame. For this, I am saying sorry and goodbye. I hope you find someone that really loves you.

Goodbye.

When it is time to let go.

In a love relationship, once the journey started we never know how the story will go until we reach the end. With lots of love, compromise, and even sacrifice, some love comes to the end till both left for the other world. While most others than to last only a few weeks, months, or years. 

A friend of mine said to me, if she sees any potential possibility of a breakup, she would never go into a relationship. For example, a habit, behavior, lifestyle that she doesn't like about the guy. This avoids wasting youth and heartbreak. Yes, you may find that she would have lost the love of her lifetime but it is a choice she made. And it also makes sense, when you feel some feelings going on, you should put some rational logic in place to counter fight off any fling and lure. You don't want to fall in and then start hurting yourself to overcome something you hate and thinking that your love will give up a habit for you. The saying, a leopard will not change its spots, and a zebra will not change its stripes. 

Preventing yourself from getting in a wrong relationship is the first line of defense one should have. Go through his/her good and bad, is that something you can accept, compromise, and put down. Go through it in your mind and see if you can live with it. If she smokes, imagine yourself with her meeting your friends, relatives, or parent and after a while or meal, she went for a smoke. Can you accept that? It wouldn't be a problem if you smoke too. :-). But you get my point what I mean here. Or she is divorced and you should prepare that she is more sensitive in a relationship and it means some hardship in getting her trust that your love for her.

I would suggest writing down the list and if you decide to go fore with the relationship, use that as a reminder, never use that as an excuse to break it off as you had already considered it. And if you had used it for an excuse, re-think, it may be something else that had trigger the thoughts to use that against yourself. We all know that when one in love, things get complicated, two-person coming together, different backgrounds, cultures, lifestyles, and families do play a part. The world is changing by the minute, Circumstances changes, and people change. A bad-tempered man would change to a calm loving and thoughtful father in front of his little girl. 

Still, it all up to you to make the choice, there is no right or wrong. It depends on how you want to move on from there. Look at the list when you are in doubt, remind yourself of your initial decision, and if you have already considered the possibility and the relationship still did not work out?  Maybe it is time to let go, be rational as you have already tried your best. Have a good sob, a good dessert always help, list activities for the next few days, something out of your comfort zone, new excitement will push you to relieve your thoughts and hurt from a failed relationship. Feel like shouting it out? Have you tried karaoke? That's one of the good ways, a few sad songs and move to some fast pace songs to feel the mood that you can face the new world again. 

Someone I know is more down to earth, he starts calling his group of school mates for a meetup after a long journey failed relationship, end up heading out tour with a few closer one and catch up with his old friends got over his relationship.

I hope this helps a little if you are still trying to figure if you should be in or out of a relationship. When the heart can't make the decision, let the brain work rationally and decide for yourself. 

No one can make that decision for you. Only yourself.

Achievement of the day.

Today, achievement is managed to get him to tell me a question I’ve asked and cooling him down in a short period of time.

This morning when I send my son to school, the teacher after checking his hands and mouth, try to stop him from taking the torchlight away. He usual would take it and off the torchlight and put it on the table as a routine.

My son got angry, and end up he throw the torchlight across the hallway, luckily no one was hurt. I have to get him to pick up and put on the table and walk to his class. When he enter the class, he went to pick up a pencil case and step hardly on it. I try to stop him, he pick it up a few times wanting to throw it across the hallway again. I managed to stop him, pull him near me, and ask him who’s pencil case is this. After asking a few times, he mumbled “Cheng Hao, ……pencil case” 

After, I had to calm him down and say don’t be angry and it is not nice to throw things and especially not your things. Gave him lots of hugs until finally cool down and back to himself and send me out the gate(routine). My son just dislike this classmate of his, as this classmate love to disturb him, like pushing him from the back when he is doing something, kick him during toy snatching and take a toy/ book when he was not watching. Yes, I saw it with my own eyes that this classmate did them to him. So I do understand why my son choose this classmate pencil case and did what he did when he got angry, but then, this classmate did nothing of that sort today which is the problem.

More help and work need to be done for my son not to do that and i hope he get it and understand soon. He is already six, it would be hard to make friends if he dont learn to social fast. While me, as a Mother would always be worried on his development progress and his social interaction with people is my major concern.

My son was diagnose with Mild ASD when he was 3 years old, however, I know of his special needs since he was 2. Yes, he have some challenges but I believe he will learn to behave in public when he grow older. He is given ABA therapy to cope with his tantrums which had affected daily lifestyle and since has help a lot. Now he is six and would required speech therapy as he is not willing to express his emotion freely and interaction via communication with people is affecting in his school environment.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/AutismSpectrumDisorderSingaporePG/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ASDplantingseed/ 

When Valentine's Day is over...

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, it was also Chinese Lunar 7th day of the New Year. In the Chinese saying it is the birth of mankind, so the Chinese celebrate this day and some treat it as Chinese Valentine's day where you celebrate the birth of yourself and your loved ones.

Valentine's day has been fully commercialize in today's world. Couples are expected to celebrate widely their love of one another, while some take this opportunity to propose for marriage. However, Valentine's day(VD) is only a day in 365 days of the year. If you love one another, everyday would be a VD. Would you want everyday to be full of pain and hurt and have a great wonderful day on VD with the person you loved? I believe NO. Yet some people would expect the lavishing gifts, candlelight meals, flowers and maybe music for this so called special day. For me, I would rather have my loved one, loved me whenever he can, give me a treat or two when we are having a celebration. Not show me how he love me because it is VD.

If he love me, he would show me daily, without the need of any gifts. He is able to love me as I am, and still love me on things that he dont like about me. I guess, that is enough to me. So if you dont receive anything on VD, it's alright. Think about it, does it mean he love you less? Does he not show his love for you on any other days? try to self check, out of 365 days, how many days does he show his love for you. That my friend is what you should measure.

Enjoy every moment, every day with the one you love. And hope they love you too, not hurting you.